I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
