His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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