Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
