Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
