Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
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I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
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The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize