we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
