She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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