no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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