this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
