new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
