Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
