Sponge bath it is.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
