I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize