apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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