i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
