you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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