I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also, beer. Big fan.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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