Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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