11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
