We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
