that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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