you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
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Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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