Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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