Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
