I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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