I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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