Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
