help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
