why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
