Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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