I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
