Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
high people should be assigned attendants
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
