Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
