I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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