im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
