Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
