He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
