you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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