Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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