I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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