i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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