Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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