obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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