so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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