Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
