i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
