My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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