i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm getting married
To pizza
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
