Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
