They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
