nut hugger
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
