College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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