he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
