i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think i have herpe
just one?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
