Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just puked most of my soul out..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize