Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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