fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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