I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
