So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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