thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
