so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
