I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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