What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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