so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
