there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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