I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
