I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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