You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
