Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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