just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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