I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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