just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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