just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
