...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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