Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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