I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
foreskin is a definite game changer
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
