btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
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My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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