4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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