dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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